


How to Live

by Capucine



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, effects of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8601286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capucine/pseuds/Capucine
Summary: Damian can see the differences in his behavior in comparison to others.
He also refuses to acknowledge that the differences might be bad.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is based on the idea of small effects of abuse that we don't always notice. Take note.

His first instinct, on seeing someone reach into their pocket or another compartment, was to watch. To be ready, should it be a weapon or another source of harm.

Damian knew this wasn’t normal, not even for Bats.

Not when it was normal civilians in a normal civilian situation. Not when it was his supposed family and/or team, but it didn’t stop him from tracking their movements the instant their hand disappeared.

He was discreet about it, but it still forced him to slightly pause in what he was doing. To take some focus off.

On another note, maintaining a perimeter at all times around his person apparently wasn’t normal. Not the way he did it.

If one watched closely enough, one could make sure no one was within a distance that was too close to watch. Too close to intercept an attempt. 

And, yes, people had what Grayson described as ‘personal bubbles,’ but that sounded far too soft to describe what Damian was doing. What he always had known.

Even Drake allowed some people inside his perimeter easily, allowing Grayson to lean onto his shoulder or Alfred to put a hand on him. He just let them, without so much as a flinch or a check.

Another detail Damian noticed was that it didn’t appear the others had hidden caches throughout the house.

At one point, he’d found an ancient candy stash, but other than that, his stores of disgusting but nutrient-rich American peanut butter and canned foods was secure, and also the only things like that. It was as if Drake and Grayson and anyone else who had stayed in this manor believed there would always be food.

That nothing could go wrong.

They were likely foolish, Damian told himself. He wasn’t the one with a problem—they didn’t understand how to protect themselves. He’d been doing it for so long, he was superior at it.

That was one thing he could admire Todd for. He clearly knew what he was doing—much of the time. He knew to keep distances, he knew to keep stashes, and he knew to watch. Always watch. Because one never knew when it was a trap.

Damian didn’t look at Drake with jealousy when Grayson hugged him, or when Alfred laid a hand on his shoulder.

The fool would be dead soon enough, with that behavior.

**Author's Note:**

> I realized today that my method of writing fanfic is a weird effect of abuse.
> 
> What I have always done is write it all in one go (a chapter or a oneshot), post it online, and then delete all the text in the document.
> 
> This is because privacy violation was standard in my upbringing, and even though the stuff I wrote then was pretty tame, it would have likely been used against me, either to humiliate me or to conclude that I was deviating from the rules/being immoral.
> 
> And it's still my practice now. 
> 
> Which, I was always fairly aware of how hypervigilant I was, but like Damian, I was fairly proud of it while also being insanely lonely.
> 
> So, that's what this is based on.
> 
> (Also, the stash of candy is Jason's.)


End file.
